Am I That Me?
On a semi-regular basis, I go through a period where I question essentially everything I do and how I do those things in an attempt to bring my behaviors into alignment with the most up-to-date iteration of myself.
This flurry of self-updating often aligns with some kind of milestone moment: the beginning of some new life chapter like a move or a birthday or a breakup. But not always.
Sometimes the desire to work through this kind of assessment-and-recalibration process comes out of nowhere, triggered by a sense that something is a little bit off; a subtle vibe that I’ve learned to heed, even when it’s inconvenient to do so.
This questioning period is defined in large part by trying to observe, identify, and if necessary change some of the things I do, and this can apply to everything from the components of my workout routine to the way I respond, emotionally, to being intentionally or unintentionally hurt by someone else.
The goal is to become more conscious of my current status quo so that I can then question the whys behind all those hows from an informed perspective.
Why do I perform those specific stretches before doing pushups? Why do I set the skillet in that spot after cooking that particular dish? Why do I buy that brand of coffee beans? Why does that particular type of social interaction make me feel so psychologically drained?
From there, I can determine which of these whys make sense for who I am today, and which are optimized for who I was at some other point in my life, or perhaps some version of myself who has never existed.
Those latter two categories of behavior can then be tweaked or replaced as is appropriate, and in theory at least, my actions should iteratively become more aligned with my beliefs, ideals, and what seems to be best for me based on my current understanding of “best.”
Most of us go through some version of this routine periodically throughout our lives, but I personally find that paying conscious attention to it and formalizing it in this more structured way helps convert a process that can be a little bit alarming and stressful into something that feels like more of a project: something over which I have more control and which I’m consciously aware I’m doing, as opposed the “midlife-crisis”-esque shape such a proceeding can otherwise take.
Approaching such shifts in this way also makes them more portable and both chronologically and volumetrically adaptable. Rather than waiting for an external spark to catalyze such an assessment every decade or so, it’s possible to focus on this type of endeavor for a week once a year, every few months, or every couple of years and then move on with your life.
You can also apply it to just one aspect of your life—work maybe, your relationships, or your dietary habits—and thus keep the ensuing adjustments relegated to just a few facets of your life at any one time, making them more focused and manageable.
If you're keen to make this process a consistent, semi-regular part of your life, though, diffusing it throughout your day in addition to periodic, larger shifts, it can be valuable to simply ask yourself—about pretty much anything and whenever it makes sense to do so—“am I the me that this behavior was made for?”
If yes, excellent—continue as you were.
If no, consider how you might change things so that you can answer in the affirmative.
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If you found some value in this essay, consider supporting my work by buying me a coffee.
Projects
Brain Lenses: Hype & Cognitive Labor
Let’s Know Things:Chad
Curiosity Weekly:April 27, 2021
One Sentence News: Info / Subscribe
Interesting & Useful
Some things to click:
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Online Anonymity(excellent and thorough guide to carving out more privacy for yourself, online)
ShipMap(incredible, interactive map of ships traveling around the world)
ThreadTalks(information about cloth from a fiction-writer who uses such information as part of her world-building efforts)
Real Images from Our Solar System(nice little video with a lot of images from around our solar system)
Abandoned Railroad Corridors Map(just what it sounds like: be sure to zoom in on this one)
A Closer Look at the Mars Perseverance Rover’s Incredible Cameras(some very interesting technology at play)
Soviet TV Version of Lord of the Rings Rediscovered After 30 Years(I’m planning to watch the whole film soon—what I’ve seen of it so far is delightful)
Outro
Instead of a Colin-update for this week’s outro, a quick note about a fellow subscriber.
Katherine wrote me last week about her father Armando’s COVID infection and how the healthcare system in his home country of Venezuela has more or less collapsed under the weight of the pandemic.
Her father passed away a few days ago, and she and her family are still trying to pay for medical bills and other such costs—if you’re able and keen to help them out with those expenses, here’s her GoFundMe page.
If you’re having a rough time, for whatever reason, you’re not alone and you’re doing great just making it through the day.
And if it would help to vent or share or brain-dump about what you’re going through, or about random things that don’t matter, or if you just want to say hello to a stranger from the internet, I’m here on the other end of this newsletter.
You can reach me at colin@exilelifestyle.com or by responding to this email—I respond to every message I get, and I’d love to hear from you.
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You can also communicate via the typical channels: Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, or infinite drum machine.
If you’re finding some value in what I’m doing here, consider supporting my work via one of these methods: Become a patron / Buy a book / Buy me a coffee
Perspective-Bending Collages by Lola Dupré Distort and Reconfigure Pets and Portraits.