Note: Paid supporters of this newsletter receive additional, monthly essays as a small thank-you for their support, and I’ve decided to open up this month’s essay to everyone, as it’s relevant to the release of my new book.
thanks for sharing this, colin. it felt reassuring to know that someone who’s written as much as you have also feels this way.
when i first left my job to travel, i wrote this in my journal during a bout of self-doubt:
“i see now why people are afraid to take that leap and follow their dreams.
why dive headfirst into the terrifying unknown when you can feel comfortable and secure at home? when you stay in your lane, you avoid the fate of having everything about you – your identity, your worth, your future, your capabilities – exposed to the world and questioned, not only by yourself but also by the people around you.”
Enjoy how you were able to put into words this weird mix of feelings people who live life a little bit outside the lines can feel at times. I'm not an internet personality by any means (post a few times a year to social media to a small 'friend list' of ppl I actually know) but just sharing in general in the various communities I inhabit the outside of the box way my family has chosen, makes me feel uncomfortable at times for the very reasons you state and now it's got me thinking maybe part of it forces me to question my choices in ways that feel more uncomfortable than I've realized and perhaps I may need to dig a bit more into the why of that discomfort? But stepping back, I have no regrets for following a different path and intuitively it feels right for me.
It's seldom a bad idea to give ourselves space to think about why we do what we do, even if we're generally happy with how things are going. But I think that sense of discomfort can arise even when everything's normal and cozy—it's just exhausting to feel exposed sometimes, and that sense can be amplified when folks feel comfortable critiquing a non-standard choice we've made (or maybe just when we're worried they might feel comfortable doing so) :)
When I stepped away from the so-called normal American life path, I felt a subtle tug to begin writing about it/documenting my journey - in fact, did a little bit of writing (for myself), but 1) it felt too much like real work and I felt like I'd eventually want to develop it into something more tangible and perhaps profitable (tho wouldn't be my primary motive), and 2) the internet is a harsh space and I think the criticism would hurt on a metaphysical level. Not all of it would hurt - but I just think it would take too much energy from me, energy I'd rather devote to something else - not that I necessarily even have something important or original to say, or that anyone would read it. I just imagine for folx like you who put themselves out there on the regular, it takes a brave leap of faith. *discussing these outside the box choices though, in person, I find to be incredibly interesting, even with people vehemently opposed to the concepts.
thanks for sharing this, colin. it felt reassuring to know that someone who’s written as much as you have also feels this way.
when i first left my job to travel, i wrote this in my journal during a bout of self-doubt:
“i see now why people are afraid to take that leap and follow their dreams.
why dive headfirst into the terrifying unknown when you can feel comfortable and secure at home? when you stay in your lane, you avoid the fate of having everything about you – your identity, your worth, your future, your capabilities – exposed to the world and questioned, not only by yourself but also by the people around you.”
woops, forgot to finish my thought. but i just wanted to add — like you said in the piece, such is the price of being different :’)
Glad that resonated with you! And good on you for working through that self-doubt :)
Enjoy how you were able to put into words this weird mix of feelings people who live life a little bit outside the lines can feel at times. I'm not an internet personality by any means (post a few times a year to social media to a small 'friend list' of ppl I actually know) but just sharing in general in the various communities I inhabit the outside of the box way my family has chosen, makes me feel uncomfortable at times for the very reasons you state and now it's got me thinking maybe part of it forces me to question my choices in ways that feel more uncomfortable than I've realized and perhaps I may need to dig a bit more into the why of that discomfort? But stepping back, I have no regrets for following a different path and intuitively it feels right for me.
It's seldom a bad idea to give ourselves space to think about why we do what we do, even if we're generally happy with how things are going. But I think that sense of discomfort can arise even when everything's normal and cozy—it's just exhausting to feel exposed sometimes, and that sense can be amplified when folks feel comfortable critiquing a non-standard choice we've made (or maybe just when we're worried they might feel comfortable doing so) :)
When I stepped away from the so-called normal American life path, I felt a subtle tug to begin writing about it/documenting my journey - in fact, did a little bit of writing (for myself), but 1) it felt too much like real work and I felt like I'd eventually want to develop it into something more tangible and perhaps profitable (tho wouldn't be my primary motive), and 2) the internet is a harsh space and I think the criticism would hurt on a metaphysical level. Not all of it would hurt - but I just think it would take too much energy from me, energy I'd rather devote to something else - not that I necessarily even have something important or original to say, or that anyone would read it. I just imagine for folx like you who put themselves out there on the regular, it takes a brave leap of faith. *discussing these outside the box choices though, in person, I find to be incredibly interesting, even with people vehemently opposed to the concepts.